Billed as the sequel to the low-budget trash flick Robo Vampire (it isn't really a proper sequel, however; more on that in a sec), Devil's Dynamite is a lousy, boring film, ineptly pieced together (as Robo Vampire was) from two entirely different movies by director Joe Livingstone. Unlike its predecessor -- which was at least entertaining in a hokey sort of way -- Devil's Dynamite is mostly just dull. I couldn't find very much to like about it.





The first installment in Joe Livingstone's epic robots-versus-vampires saga followed the adventures of an "anti-drug agent" called Tom who had been brought back to life as a RoboCop-like android called RoboWarrior ("Since Tom's dead, I'd like to make use of his body to create an android-like robot," his inventor matter-of-factly announces, in what is probably that film's funniest scene). The plot summary on the back of Devil's Dynamite's DVD case promises Tom's return in this follow-up (though they call him the "Androibot" rather than "RoboWarrior"), but whoever wrote that bit of copy got it wrong: there's no RoboWarrior in this film. The presence of the idiotic Chinese vampires and the tell-tale splicing together of two different films into one are really the only things the two movies have in common. Blatantly false advertising by Brentwood Entertainment here.

The movie begins in the workshop of an Evil Daoist Priest (not the same Evil Daoist Priest we met in Robo Vampire, mind you; this is a different one) who has just finished making a bunch of vampires for a mob boss called Ronald. To test the vampires, Ronald brings in some prisoners he wants killed, and unleashes the vampires upon them. The vampires kill all the prisoners in a hurry, greatly impressing the easily-impressed Ronald. Yay. Go vampires.

Director Livingstone proceeds to up the ante by throwing a few ninjas into his movie. These black-clad "shadow warriors", as they're referred to in the film, are running around looking for a guy called Steven Cox. "Where's Steven Cox?" they demand of a group of hapless prisoners, after storming a prison. When the prisoners fail to respond, they kill them all with katanas. But then, suddenly, the vampires appear and attack the ninjas! (The scene you're imagining right now is far more entertaining than anything depicted in this crappy flick, trust me). The vampires kill the ninjas, while Ronald and the Evil Daoist Priest gloat and laugh about how vampires are so much cooler than ninjas. They also comment on Steven Cox -- apparently Mr. Cox is getting out of prison soon, and his impending release has got the underworld in a tizzy.





The film then introduces its hero: Alex. Alex is a nondescript Chinese dude who possesses the inexplicable ability (frustratingly, the movie never explains his origin) to instantly transform into some kind of jumpsuited superhero. This has got to be the most puzzling aspect of the movie. Is Alex supposed to be a new RoboWarrior or something? The costume looks similar, only it's not as bulky and Alex doesn't carry a gun or move as ponderously as RoboWarrior did. His approach to fighting vampires is markedly different as well: he prefers to use his natural martial arts prowess against them, in addition to his ability to teleport (??) from place to place. Also, no one ever calls him "RoboWarrior". As a matter of fact, no one can seem to figure out what to call him. Characters refer to him as "that damn futuristic warrior" and he calls himself simply "that warrior" when pressed to reveal his identity. So he's probably not a real RoboWarrior. Whatever.

Anyways, Alex winds up running into a bunch of vampires at a bar during a meeting with his friend Tony. A stupid fight scene ensues (actually, they're all stupid). Afterwards, Tony remarks on the "unusual bites" the vampires left on the necks of their prey, and Alex says something like, "Wow, I can't believe vampires would actually bite people." Uh, sure.

The mysterious Steven Cox (despite the Western name, Cox is played by an Asian fellow) finally shows up next, in the bedroom of Mary, an old flame who betrayed him and put him away for ten years. He threatens her and her new "toy-boy" (Cox's words) and leaves. (These scenes were all taken from some kind of generic gangster/revenge movie. Livingstone took this footage, spliced in a bunch of vampire/ninja nonsense, and worked the dialogue to make it seem as if the stories were related. About 60% of the movie follows Steven Cox and his gangsterish exploits; the other 40% is Alex fighting against vampires and stuff).

Cox visits a shady gambling den: he's the "Gambling King", you see. Mary, who has gone on to become the "queen of the underworld", tries to have him rubbed out, but he escapes. Did I mention just about every scene with Cox is really, really boring? Here, let me just gloss over these scenes for you: Cox gambles, wins, gets into a few fights, crashes Mary's birthday party, pisses off her new toy-boy Louie, screws around, and is forced by some gun-toting goons into revealing the location of his buried treasure (some gold he squirreled away before getting thrown in the slammer). In the end, he kills the goons, kills Mary on her wedding day, ends up in a standoff with the cops, and is finally killed himself in a burning building. Blah.





Meanwhile, Alex enlists the help of a Good Daoist Priest to fight the Evil Daoist Priest. GDP gives Alex an "anti-sorcery mirror" and some "spiritual wood" to help him fight the vampires; eventually, our silvern hero manages to do away with the vampires and kill Ronald, while GDP and EDP fight a pitched battle to the death (just kidding...EDP gives up without a fight).

The film is worse than Robo Vampire (quite a feat): Alex's fights against the Chinese vampires are nonsensical and completely divorced from any larger plot or context, and the Steven Cox/Mary crap is just intolerably stupid and slow-paced. Further, Livingstone's awkward attempts to bring the two stories together (he tries to make it seem as if Mary is the one in charge of the vampires) are utterly strained and ridiculous. There's nothing even wryly amusing about them.

Take it from me: Devil's Dynamite sucks.

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