It's been a few weeks since I last updated the site; I should therefore probably apologize to the few folks who actually read these articles for the recent dearth of new material. Sorry. I'll try to add at least three or four new pieces to the site this month in addition to this one (I've been kinda struggling for ideas lately, but I've got quite a few new things in the pipeline now), so stay tuned.

Okay: on to Sailor Moon. This episode, thirteen, has a few amusing scenes, but large chunks of it are played pretty seriously, without any of that delightful sugary goofiness I so enjoy, so it's probably not going to be a whole lot of fun to write about. I guess I'll find out shortly.





It all starts at Crown. The Sailor Soldiers are hanging around drinking fancy colored drinks out of wine glasses and talking about Sailor Venus, who was recently revealed to be the "Princess" (in the last episode, specifically). They're all totally enamored of her, even Makoto, who wasn't even there for the unveiling ("I wish I'd been there [to meet her]," she laments). This, in spite of the fact that Sailor Venus pretty much ditched them following the altercation with Zoisite and his youma in the last episode: she goes away, claiming she can't hang out with them because she has all kinds of mysterious important princessy things to do. This mysteriousness really gets my goat, plot-wise; although the viewer, armed with information the Sailor Soldiers aren't privy to, is always aware that Sailor Venus fights for the home team and probably has a pretty good reason for continuing to be so mysterious, the Sailor Soldiers themselves definitely don't. Don't they find her behavior at least a little annoying or suspicious? Not apparently; they're constantly swooning, and never ask any particularly pointed questions.

They do do a lot of ephemeral musing, though. I'll give them that. "I wonder what kind of princessy things she has to do?" Ami airily asks at one point. "I don't know," Luna replies, "but she's the Princess and knows what's what, so try not to think too much about it." (I'm paraphrasing). Ami, supposedly the smart one, is satisfied with this, and so are all the rest of them. Scary.

Following this ephemeral musing (I really like that term; it's pretty useful. Maybe I'll even start capitalizing it) comes an early scene with Queen Beryl. Odd -- they usually save these for the seven-minute mark. Anyway, today the Queen is contemplating Zoisite's recent transmogrification into a chunk of rock by fondling said rock and talking to herself. Nephrite pops up a second later and tells her of Zoisite's mysterious last words (word): he said "Endymion". This gets a definite rise out of the Queen; she gets angry, rebukes Nephrite, and then uses some crystalline structure at her side to make him forget. He does, and subsequently goes off, per her request, to acquire that damnable Mystical Silver Crystal that everyone keeps talking about but which no one can ever seem to find.





The Queen then decides that the best way to counter the power of the Princess is to unleash the final shitennou (henchdude, for all practical purposes). She puts the rock down and begins fondling a flower, which, as we'll see, eventually does the trick.

Motoki, meanwhile, back at Crown, is in a bad way: his boss put Kamekichi, his beloved turtle, in a bucket while he was cleaning, and the bucket tipped over, causing the turtle to escape. Feisty turtle, I guess. He calls Mamoru (who was moodily thinking dark thoughts in a dark room) to help find him; Usagi, always the helpful do-gooder, tags along too.

The trio eventually make their way to a big, freaky house. When they spot a weird, creepy-looking guy staring at them through a window, Usagi and Motoki make a run for it, but the cool Mamoru tells them to look again. They do, and realize he's holding the missing turtle in his hands and has a big friendly smile on his face. Frankly, he still looked creepy to me, and how did the turtle end up in his house anyway? And how did he know that the kids currently trespassing on his property were looking for it? How did he know that anyone was looking for it? Sigh.

They meet up with the guy. He gives the grateful Motoki his turtle back, and asks Usagi and Mamoru to stick around and have tea with him: apparently, the guy recalls meeting them at some point in the past and invites them to stay. He's an amnesiac, see, desperate to regain his lost memories. He calls himself Ichiou (which means something like "for the time being") Shin, and explains that all he remembers from his past are flowers and the sea and nature and stuff. Always the helpful do-gooder, Usagi offers to help him regain his memory, and calls the other Sailor Soldiers for help. Unfortunately, Rei, Makoto, and Ami are in the middle of New Year's preparations at Rei's shrine (which Usagi was supposed to help out with) and respond to her request with a certain understandable surliness. Ouch. So, she heads out on her own. Mamoru follows, constantly nagging her.





Her plan? To buy and find nature-related things to help him jog his memory. She buys a single white flower, but finds she can't afford any big nature books or DVD's or anything. She finally settles on what look like postcards with outdoorsy scenes on them. Mamoru derides her effort for a while (it seemed a bit juvenile to me, too) but eventually decides to take her to the ocean to gather some ocean-related tidbits, like rocks and seashells and whatever. (Obviously, Mamoru has a big frickin' motorcycle. This is so Usagi can wrap her arms around his waist while she rides along, and close her eyes and get that contented what a dreamboat this is the best day of my life look on her face while an upbeat pop song plays). Pshaw.

Anyway, after gathering some sand and rocks and seawater in a jar, the two of them wander around the shore a little, and Usagi buys a piece of fruit. She gives half of it to Mamoru as a way of saying thanks for bringing her out there; he accepts it, and they eat together, side by side. This scene is thereafter treated on the show as a supremely romantic moment, which has always puzzled me a little. So she gives him some fruit. So they went to the beach. Big deal! Mamoru's still been acting grumpy and unpleasant and rude the whole time. In fact, he's always been grumpy and unpleasant and rude (it was this very rudeness that Usagi found so unappealing when they kept running into each other in those early episodes). His demeanor hasn't noticeably changed since then, but Usagi's attitude towards him sure has: she's definitely developed a full-blown crush on him by this point. My guess? The motorcycle helped.

Maybe I should buy one.

At any rate, things start to pick up again when Queen Beryl unleashes Ichiou's bad side that night (he's the final shitennou; you saw that one coming, right?). He attacks a girl called Ayumi with some magic hair (?) in a dark alley somewhere, causing her eyes to flash an evil purple. The next day, Mamoru brings the memory-jogging items that he gathered with Usagi to Ichiou, but they don't (predictably) work. Ichiou confesses that he dreamed he attacked someone the previous night, worries that he's afraid he might not be human, and then finally begins clutching his abdomen in pain as Queen Beryl chooses that moment to put the final evil whammy on him. Elsewhere, Ayumi clutches her abdomen as well (turning evil results in some kind of abdominal pain, I guess), scaring a bunch of concert-goers in the process.





Now fully evil, Ichiou dubs himself Kunzite, whips out a sword, and takes off. This instantly made him, in my opinion, the best villian the show has seen so far. He's got a sword. I mean, look at the other villians: Queen Beryl's totally batty and rarely leaves her cave; Jadeite and Nephrite both look ridiculous and are always running the same plays over and over again; and Zoisite, while kinda menacing sometimes, is awfully fruity and effete. Kunzite, by comparison, is played by a significantly older actor, which gives him quite a bit more panache (the other guys all look like teenagers and don't usually come across as very threatening); his costume is dumb but not totally ridiculous; he uses an actual weapon; and, importantly, he very quickly scores some major victories against the Sailor Soldiers.

Meanwhile, Luna somehow spots Ayumi wreaking havoc and calls Usagi. She transforms, but realizes that because poor Ayumi isn't merely possessed by a youma (she's actually turned into one, a big shaggy white shewolf thing) she must try something different in order to stop her. After a particularly ambitiously absurd battle, with lots of panty shots and dopey, clumsy martial arts, Luna conveniently suggests that Sailor Moon use her "Moon Healing Escalation" power. Brilliant! She sets it loose, returning Ayumi to normal.

Unfortunately, Kunzite chooses that moment to appear. He zaps Sailor Moon with more of his magic hair (it wraps around the victim's neck and then kind of disappears into the flesh), causing her to collapse. Tuxedo Mask rushes to save her, but it's too late: the episode's cliffhanger is that she's about to be turned into a youma. Yikes.





Ehh, I guess that wasn't too bad. All things considered, it's actually a pretty good episode, even if the "romantic" stuff was uninspired and the whole thing with Ichiou's lost memory was kinda dry and thoughtless (how'd he end up with that big house, anyway? What does he do for a living? Why is he always wearing that hideous white sweater?). On the other hand, Kunzite and the shaggy shewolf youma's antics are watchable, the music isn't bad, and we get a (little) bit of plot, though, so: not bad.

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