I usually try to space these Sailor Moon reviews out somewhat -- at this point I've got the process of writing them down to a science (an understanding of the structure of the snarkiness molecule is essential), and so could probably write about five or six a day if I wanted to, but I'd rather not flood the site with them too rapidly; certain other proprietors might take issue with that course of action, and writing that many a day would probably drive me completely insane anyway. At the moment, however, we're running low on material; my backlog of ideas for articles is currently very close to empty (Ant's upcoming trip to Hong Kong has precluded him from wantonly spending his money on weird reviewable toys and gizmos, as is his usual habit, and I haven't had time to watch any crappy movies lately), so here we are -- it's back to that old standby, the last refuge of the idea-less trenchman.com writer: the Sailor Moon review.





Today's episode begins, of course, right where the last one left off, with Sailor Moon, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Jupiter confronting the new, evil Sailor Mercury and Kunzite in some kind of ruined museum. Mercury kicks things off by using her water-powers to freeze a nearby water fountain; she then breaks off an icicle and makes a sword out of it with which to menace her former comrades. The mortified Sailor Soldiers plead with Ami, but their words go unheeded, and they are all knocked to the ground when she uses the sword to shoot a sort of amorphous icy blast at them. Sailor Moon then remembers (amazingly) that one of her powers is the ability to heal people who get themselves into wacky situations like this, so she pulls out her wand or whatever and tries using it on Ami. No dice. Kunzite brags that Ami has been given a gift from the "Great Evil", whatever that means, and so can't be turned in that way -- the transformation is permanent, he says. This proves understandably disheartening for our heroines.

Ami moves in for the kill; surely the ultimate victory for Kunzite and the Dark Kingdom is at hand! Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter are lying helpless on the ground, and the doe-eyed Sailor Moon is standing there like she can't wrap her brain around what's going on. Even the hapless Luna is nearby, having entered the scene previously in order to provide some exposition about Ami's transformation! When will such an opportunity ever again arise? Heck, this won't even be a challenge: Evil Ami is apparently a powerhouse, and Kunzite has about a billion superpowers (teleportation, a sword that can block all Sailor Soldier attacks and induce good-to-evil transformations in people, magic hair that can turn one into a youma, and so on). We soon learn, however, that among the powers Kunzite is not blessed with is the simple ability to know when he clearly has the upper hand. He inexplicably grabs Ami and teleports them both away, telling her that that's good enough for one day. Should I even bother attacking the absurdity of this? Sheesh. Maybe the Dark Kingdom idiots don't really want to win; maybe they're only looking to put on a good show. Hey, maybe that's part of the reason why they wear such ridiculously flamboyant outfits.

Anyway, following this scene (and the credits), we move on to the dank purple Dark Kingdom cave: Kunzite has decided to introduce the new and improved Evil Ami to Queen Beryl. Perhaps predictably, the Queen is too cracked to care much about this development; the appearance of a Sailor Soldier in her cave provokes only very mild surprise from her. Evil Ami contemptuously (and not unreasonably, considering this reaction) tells the Queen that even though she's evil now she has no intention of following the orders of a brain-addled crank and walks off. The amused Kunzite gives the Queen a sympathetic look (a look that seems to say "She's a feisty one; what can I do?"), bows, and follows his new protege.





The Sailor Soldiers, we're shown, are devastated by this turn of events. We're treated to shots of Makoto, Rei, and Usagi lamenting Ami's transformation while soft piano music plays in the background: "If only we'd treated Ami better! If only we hadn't taken her for granted! If only we hadn't been so aloof!" That sort of thing. Usagi actually admits to herself that maybe this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been cooped up in her room stroking the scarf she made for Mamoru while pining away for him over the last bazillion episodes: a dubious contention, I thought, but at least she's showing a modicum of self-awareness for a change. The contention expressed here by Makoto, meanwhile -- that maybe they could have saved Ami if they hadn't been so distant from one another -- seemed problematic to me as well; how could they have stopped Kunzite from putting the whammy on Ami, even if they'd all been there? Kunzite has repeatedly demonstrated powers above and beyond those of the Sailor Soldiers; in fact, it's a wonder he hasn't already turned the rest of them evil, too. Exactly what is stopping him from doing just that, anyway? Would that be cheating or something?

This angsty stuff (with Ami now self-confidently evil, the other characters obviously had to pick up the slack) goes on for a while -- even Mamoru gets in on it, although his current problem is unrelated to Ami's transformation: in the next scene it's implied that he's not particularly sweet on Hina, his girlfriend, and that he only agreed to marry her as a sort of favor to her father, who took him in (he also makes the briefest of mental allusions towards the fact that Usagi is the one he wants). Yeah, life is tough for Mamoru. He's engaged to a cute girl who feeds him steaks and is clearly crazy about him, and if Usagi's experience is any guide, he's capable of easily attracting other cute girls by being brusque and rude to them. Anyway, there's some crap in there about his amnesia, and about how he's still trying to learn about his past, just in case the audience has forgotten this particular (arguably pointless) plot point.

Anyway, Usagi gets a surprise the next day at school. Ami's there, in class with the other students, smiling and acting like nothing has happened. Usagi is thrilled, and goes to speak with her, but at that moment everyone in the class turns and glares at her like she just deliberately stepped on a puppy. Ami explains a moment later: though evil, she didn't want to miss school, and used her powers to brainwash the other students against Usagi. Uhh, okay. So Ami is evil now, but is still concerned with the importance of getting a good education? I wonder if she discussed this with Kunzite. Ami: "But I have to go to school, Kunzite-o! How will I land a plum job in one of Japan's top corporations if I miss school?" To which Kunzite might reply: "Say-lah Mah-kew-ree. After Queen Metaria is revived, Japan -- indeed, the entire world -- will be covered in evil purple clouds. Earthly society will fall apart, nations will fall, and the Dark Kingdom will reign supreme for thousands of bloody years to come. Therefore, there is no need for you to go to school." Ami: "Miss school? You didn't make me that evil!"





(Okay, okay. I admit that I understand why the writers felt they had to toss this bit in there; if Ami simply stopped showing up at school, the authorities (or even Ami's globe-trotting mother) might plausibly get involved, which would raise a whole crapload of complex issues that the writers doubtless didn't want to deal with. Easier to pretend that Ami just goes about her normal routine, so that after she returns to normal later on in the series her old life will still be there waiting for her).

But why exactly did she feel compelled to brainwash the other students? Just to freak out Usagi? Was she afraid they'd catch on to her evilness? And where did she come by that kind of power anyway? Man!

At any rate, after this creepy little scene, we move on to some Dark Kingdom bickering between Kunzite and Jadeite (I've forgotten what they were blathering about already, even though I just watched this episode about an hour ago). Following that, we get more angsty stuff from the Sailor Soldiers: an unwelcome Usagi eats her lunch on the school roof, and later, at Crown, the girls fret and cry over the various knitted items that Ami prepared for them before her transformation. They argue about whether or not they should fight Ami, ignoring the fact that it's basically a moot point, since she just wiped the floor with them yesterday and could probably do the same to them today. Then Luna senses a youma running around outside. They all head out to the amusement park (the same park visited by Makoto and Ami in the last episode) to apprehend it, and quickly split up to look for it once they arrive there.

The youma this time around has something of a personality: it looks like a mime or a court jester or something, maybe a reject from a fruity French circus. It makes a lot of annoying, playful, high-pitched noises, and leads Makoto and Rei on a merry chase through the park. Meanwhile, Ami appears on the carousel (her fashion sense much improved since becoming evil) and confronts Usagi, calling upon her "Dark Power Makeup!" The two do "battle", and eventually converge with Makoto and Rei and the youma on a dark stage somewhere: the youma restrains Makoto and Rei with some purple energy while Ami makes to finish off Sailor Moon. Usagi is saved by Sailor Venus at the last moment, but even Venus can't match Evil Ami. Finally, apparently sick of fighting her friend, Sailor Moon reverts back to ordinary Usagi-form and makes an impassioned apology to Ami for the team's recent neglect of her. Unfortunately, impassioned apologies aren't much good against icicle swords, and Ami cuts the mittens she made for Usagi (which Usagi was presenting to her) with one quick swipe, dashing any hope of reconciliation.





Usagi is so upset by this that she starts crying. Oh, good grief. This is the problem with putting teenage girls in charge of saving the planet. Would a group of super-powered teenage guys start blubbering like Usagi and her pals after every little setback? I doubt it. "Too bad you're evil now, buddy," the male version of Sailor Moon might say, "but, well, we've got a job to do here, and the fate of the world hinges on these battles, and anyway that stunt you pulled in school today really stuck in my craw. We'll see about turning you back to normal after we've smacked the crap out of you. For now, get ready for an ass-kicking." But this is Sailor Moon, so nothing like that goes down. Instead, Usagi's tears activate her pendant or whatever (of course; how poetic!), causing a bright yellow light to burst out of it. This light destroys the youma and drives Evil Ami back, and even seems to be turning her back to normal, but before it can fully purge her evilness an alarmed Kunzite appears and teleports her away. The episode ends with the Sailor Soldiers crying like crazy, but resolute in their desire to get Ami back. Oh, and Zoisite makes his comeback as well, appearing to Mamoru in the episode's final seconds.

There's some good stuff here, I guess: I have to give the writers kudos for not wimping out and resolving the Evil Ami crisis immediately in the latter half of this episode -- instead, they unexpectedly drag it out for multiple episodes, and get quite a bit of good mileage out of it. Other than that...well, there's a lot of crying, remorseful Sailor Soldiers in it, which isn't really my cup of tea, and nothing truly goofy happens (apart from the usual nonsense), so I don't think I can give this one a stronger recommendation than usual.

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